There’s more to “picky eating” than just being “picky.” Kids with over-sensitive mouths have difficulty with a lot of foods. They experience strange textures and strong tastes as overwhelming. Combined tastes and textures are jarring. The result is a refusal to eat.

Conventional wisdom is that if you just keep giving them the same food, heaped up on their plate, then eventually they will give in and eat it.

Not so.

Many SPD kids and teens will go down with the ship. They will lose weight and starve rather than face the pain of eating.

If your SPD kid is in middle school or beyond, then by now, you’ve been dealing with this problem for years.

How can a parent help a food-avoidant teen or pre-teen?

1. Talk about it.

Let your kid describe exactly what is disturbing or jarring about food. Take suggestions for changing the way food is served. For example, some kids can tolerate a wide variety of foods as long as they are separate on the plate, so that there is just one taste and texture in the mouth at a time. Others like to eat dinner after it has cooled.

2. Get your kid to agree to the one-taste method for trying new foods.

This slide show explains how to do it for younger children. The difference with older kids is to get them involved. As the slide show explains, don’t bother helping your kid to eat junky food –focus on nutrition.

3. Try juices and juicing.

For kids who object mainly to texture, remove the texture by buying or creating fruit and vegetable juices. Then once the kid is used to the new tastes, gradually re-introduce the real fruits and vegetables. Remember that fiber is important in a diet, so eating whole fruits and vegetables is essential for good health.

4. Allow reading or homework at the table.

These distractions help reduce the stress of eating. They also help pass the time, since SPD eaters can be slow to eat.

5. Buy an electric toothbrush.

This will help stimulate your kid’s mouth, which will keep the senses awake and alert. Over time, it will help reduce over-sensitivity.

6. Teach your kid to cook.

If kids help prepare the meal, they feel more in control. They can make choices, select condiments or no condiments, slice it the way they like, and touch all the food to become more familiar with the texture. This helps reduce the alarm that food raises in SPD pre-teens and teens.

7. Avoid using the expression picky eater.

It is demeaning and critical, when your kid really needs support and ideas.

8. Visit a doctor.

If your kid seems to be underweight, visit a doctor to rule out digestive and other disorders. The doctor may refer you to a dietician, who can give you more ideas about feeding your kid.