If you’re reading this post, then you probably have a teen Aspie. You’re looking ahead to college and thinking: How is this kid going to survive? He can’t cook!

For many, many Aspies, food is one of the Big Issues. Too many sensory issues are involved. Not surprisingly, most don’t learn how to prepare their own foods and are dependent on mom, spouse, roommates, take-out, and/or low-nutrient frozen nuke-and-eat dinners.

But it’s important to give Aspie teens the skills they need for a full and independent adulthood. Don’t give up on teaching him to cook even before you’ve started. You might be surprised.

But first, let’s take stock of the sensory challenges your Aspie teen might have:

1. Tactile sensory issues.

Many Aspies are disgusted by the feel of food — not just on their hands, but also in their mouths. Many dislike having dirty or wet hands. And cracking an egg? The feel of the cracking, the goopiness of the egg inside, and the risk of getting their fingers wet makes this really distressing.

2. Smell sensory issues.

Some Aspies can’t be near strong smells. Even the delicate smells of raw vegetables can make them run out of the room. That’s going to be a challenge for facing foods.

3. Motor control issues.

Controlling the hands to deliver the right about of whack to crack an egg without obliterating it? Controlling the fingers to pry the shell apart without plunging the thumbs right through?  Stirring and mixing without flinging the contents across the room? For kids who lack motor control, these skills can take a long time to learn.

4. Motor planning issues.

Many Aspies aren’t instinctively aware that they need to hold the handle of the frying pan with one hand while they spatula the eggs with the other. They don’t hold onto the bowl while they mix. As a result, there are continuous messes to clean up.

5. Auditory issues.

Auditory processing can be as simple as being grossed out by the squishy, bubbly sounds of foods. Or it can be the inability to follow and understand verbal instructions.

6. Taste sensitivity.

Often Aspie kids hate a lot of foods. They don’t like cooking because they don’t like eating.

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So those are the challenges. Here are some suggestions for success in the kitchen.

1. Start early, do it often.

A kid as young as eight years old can prepare food. The sooner he gets started, the sooner it starts to feel natural and normal.

Start with weekend breakfasts and lunches. Every kid in the household should have to make his/her own breakfast and lunch. Keep it simple. Provide foods they like.  Give your kids the job of making their own school lunch. This helps your Aspie youth get used to handling food.

At all cost, avoid giving your kid money to buy lunch at a school cafeteria. This just encourages dependence on others. Worse, school food is usually dreadful. Make sure your kid is eating real food made at home.

Once breakfasts and lunches are under control, move onto suppers. The best thing is to assign each kid in the household one day to cook supper. Allow the kid to plan the menu. Supervise and control the process until you’re sure he can do it on his own.

Yes, it’s time-consuming. If both parents are working, then weekdays might be a challenge. But consider that once your kids can cook a meal, that will be really useful when you’re coming home late from work.

2. Be patient.

Many Aspies have weak problem-solving skills. When the pot boils over, or the mixing bowl spills, or the cookies end up slightly burnt, they can just drop everything and run out of the room. This is their anxiety over-reacting to the situation.

Create a rating scale for cooking disasters, where 10 is the house burning down and 1 is slightly-less-than-perfect. Post it on the fridge. When you make messes in the kitchen, get the whole family to rate your mess-up (“Boy, that was a six, wasn’t it?”) This helps your Aspie kid realize that messes happen to everyone and that most aren’t a big deal.

When your kid runs away from a problem or mess, help her rate it, then return to fix it.

It’s often helpful to discuss potential mess-ups before the cooking project starts. This will reduce panic if these things occur.

3. Use the familiar to work toward the unfamiliar.

What if she wants to make the same thing six weeks in a row? That’s fine. Repetition is one of the ways Aspies learn. One of your goals is to create a comfort zone with cooking, and repetition will help do that.

After a while, add in some variations and small substitutions so that she can expand her repertoire. Over time, incorporate more variations.

This is better than introducing an entirely new cooking project each week.

4. Keep meals low-cook.

Many Aspies prefer raw or lightly steamed foods with few seasonings. You don’t need to teach your kid to make casseroles. Focus on easy meals.

There’s nothing wrong with a dinner of sliced fruit and vegetables, toast, nuts, and a chunk of ham. Later, you can add variations, such as heating the ham, cooking frozen peas instead of sliced veggies, and making pasta with sprinkled cheese instead of toast.

5. Teach your kid knife safety early in the game.

Aspies often have weak motor control, so they need to learn proper knife technique. Serrated steak knives are less likely to cut a finger, but they’re harder to control than a proper vegetable knife. Watch Youtube videos on good knife technique. Then practice together.

Buy a Slapchop for mincing.

Buy a pair of clear swimming goggles for cooking projects involving onions. This will prevent panic-related knife injuries caused by over-reacting to onion fumes.

6. Get siblings involved.

Often one of your kids has progressed to being a not-half-bad cook. Use that talent. Get the kids to make a meal together, or bake cookies together. The sibling will help cover the Aspie kid’s mistakes so that both end up feeling successful in the end.

7. Help with heat.

Many Aspies feel heat more strongly than NT people. Opening an oven door to put in a tray of cookies can feel very dangerous to them. Hot frying pans and boiling pots can create panic.

Encourage your Aspie kid to wear oven mitts. Help with putting things in the oven. But ask that your kid stands right beside the oven to watch the process and feel some of the heat.

Introduce broiling. It involves less exposure heat than baking. Many foods can be broiled instead of baked or fried.

Develop some steam safety techniques. Help your kid understand how hot (and how not-hot) steam is, how to use the pot lid as a steam shield, and how to stir a simmering pot. Discuss ways to prevent pots from boiling over, as well as simple ways to clean up the mess when they do.

8. Write the steps on paper.

Processing written instructions is easier than processing verbal instructions. Break every task down into steps. Pre-read them through together. This will help your kid focus on the steps and feel more in control.

9. Make a cookbook.

If your kid is heading off to college in a few years, then now is the time to start making a cookbook of easy meals you know he likes. Most college cookbooks lay out complex dinners with spicy sauces and multiple textures. You need to create a cookbook that works for your kid.

Consider including such classics as Scrambled Eggs With Cheese, Tuna Melts, Steamed Vegetables, Salmon Patties, etc.

10. Stick it out.

It’s going to take a while for your kid to feel comfortable in the kitchen. But don’t give up and pass on a legacy of dependence. For an Aspie to feel in control of his life, he’s going to need to control his food. In many ways, this is more important than math and physics.