Mr. Creosote:

Waiters are perverse.

The Meaning of Life:

The best way to damn someone is to agree with them. Who can stand looking at their own idiocy?

The Meaning of Life:

Nuns should all have to do the can-can.

The Holy Grail:

Most obstacles in life are stupid. Try again. Fail again. Just this time, fail better than last time.

The Life of Brian:

Just when you thought you were saved, you discovered your messiah is just a naughty boy.

The Spanish Inquisition:

Nobody ever expects the Spanish Inquisition.

The Holy Grail:

A witch hunt starts with a wart on someone’s face. By the end, everyone dresses her up as a witch and burns her anyway.

The Fish-Slapping Dance:

Be prepared.

Silly Job Interview:

Why do we let incompetent people tell us what job we can do?

Confuse-A-Cat:

Beware of people who solve your problems for you.

What Have the Romans Ever Done For Us:

Never ask rhetorical questions.

Spam:

You never know what will go viral.

The Holy Grail:

Authority can be really, really stupid.

The Battle of Pearl Harbour:

War is hell. And very, very dirty.

The Holy Grail:

Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.

Scott of the Antarctic:

Superstars make life difficult for everyone.

Lion Tamer:

Just because you have a lion tamer’s hat, that doesn’t mean you’re a lion tamer. Just because you have a piano, that doesn’t mean you are a piano player. Know who you are and do what you do.

Court Scene, Multiple Murder:

People who can communicate can get away with murder.

Ron Obvious: The First Man to Jump the Canal

Just because someone tells you to do something, you don’t have to do it. Authority serves itself, not you.

Village Idiots:

Ah, beneath the facade of normal, do we not all yearn to leap, bounce around, and make silly noises? What good is normal anyway?

Ministry of Silly Walks:

Tax dollars go very sadly astray. (Sometimes, not all the time. I mean, healthcare is good.)

Woody and Tinny Words:

You can never say enough about croquet hoops.

The Song That Goes Like This:

If we know how the story goes, why do we watch it till the end?

The Argument Clinic:

Behind “Can I help you” lurks “I take delight in torturing you.” People who serve hate customers. See The Cheese Shop and Mr. Creosote.

The Lumberjack Song:

Things are never as they appear. People who wear poncy uniforms are hiding something.

The Upper Class Twit of the Year:

Just because you’re rich doesn’t mean you aren’t stupid. You might have inherited the money. And you might have also inherited the stupidity.

I Wish To Report a Burglary:

Things should end when they stop being funny.

The Argument Clinic:

When there is a choice is between Yes and No, No wins by default. Not quite fair.

The Dead Parrot Sketch:

The best way to irritate people is to keep talking. Never let go of a dumb argument.

The Life of Brian:

Always look on the bright side of life.