Asperger’s, eating, and self-esteem

Published August 12, 2009 by Nancy

Asperger people often have limited diets because of their mouth sensory issues. But with a bit of practice, they can teach their mouths to handle a wide range of nutritious foods.

Here’s the equation:

Food = Nutrition.

I get that. We all get that.

So then why is this post about Asperger’s, eating, and self-esteem?

A good question.

The answer: because this topic echoes through all the Asperger online forums like Seinfeld reruns.

Parents everywhere are hand-wringing over how their Aspie kid needs to socialize with peers to make friends and therefore needs to be able to eat the same foods as everyone else.

Once said kids learn to eat, say, hot dogs or pizza, that will raise their self-esteem. They will be able to fit in with their peers, and everyone will live happily ever after.

So here’s their new equation:

Food = Self-esteem

Right. So you ask, who’s to say that a kid’s self-esteem could not be affected if he/she has learned to gag down a piece of pizza on command? That’s quite a skill.

A skill, yes. But is it self-esteem?

Linking food  to self-esteem strikes me as a bad, bad idea. Like a mini eating disorder on a bun. Or a depression treadmill Lite.

Doing things that don’t feel right just to fit in with peers is a fake life.

“Don’t you feel proud of yourself for eating that slimy hot dog, just like all your friends?”

“Don’t you feel proud of yourself for smoking that whole cigarette, just like all your friends?”

Self-esteem, my eye.

What’s the kid supposed to say in response? They say what they’re supposed to say: Yes. And the parents feel proud of themselves for having helped their kid fit in.

Nice job.

Listen up. A kid has to have self-esteem about who he/she is, not what he/she eats.

Being able to put together a simple and nutritious lunch and eat it is an accomplishment because it is a step toward a life of health.

Being able to get peers to understand that you prefer eating an apple to eating barbecue chips is an accomplishment because it is a step toward a life of self-advocacy and personal power.

A parent’s job is not to mould an Asperger kid into a fake NT kid and not to teach them that they have value only when they are imitating their NT peers. It’s to help that kid build a full, rich, and happy life around who he/she is.

If you are a parent reading this, ask yourself: Is this about your kid’s self-esteem? Or yours?